All my life, I always looked at my cup as literally empty. I do have a great life, not perfect, not pain free, and not without baggage of just plain old living experiences, life throws our way.

I have had so many things go wrong with my life. But this holiday season is a time to be thankful. This sounds so clich, however when I have done the worst suffering in my life when I got TEN, it truly gave me one of the best life's that I would have never dreamed that could happen.

There was nothing about this condition that was going to be positive for me. However I made the change and the choice all of us have the power to do, if we choose to make the best of a bad situation.

Five years later, loss of a family, of not being able to work any more, and having to endure the aftermath of TEN, I am so thankful that I did survive. I have met and made some of this most remarkable friends from the SJS support group's as well as great Doctor's and specialists who do have the compassion for this condition, and some who have even cried with me. I look at that as having to be able to be behind the scenes of medicine and to see the world of technology as a gift.

Not to mention there are some people, who go thru life without a friend. I never have, but there are some who do.! That to me is sad, without one friend can you imagine where we all would be?

It was other SJS survivors and their families, who emotionally held me up when I lost my best friend, my Dad and who have become a different family to me.

And actually on Thanksgiving it was the last time that I had the dinner with my Dad, and the last time, I had seen him, and I am so grateful, to have spent, one more Thanksgiving, to the best Dad anyone could have.

Today, was a day that became very difficult for me. I stood in my friends kitchen, by myself, and out of no were, it hit me, I just started to cry my eyes out, someone came in and said, are you ok? It was wonderful to be able to say, yes, I am fine, I was just thinking of my Dad.

I never was one to say, yes I am doing great. I would tell a stranger if I was not having a good day, or miserable. I have chosen to change and reprogram my brain that is what has brought my cup to become over flowing today.

I could go on and on and on. I seek out people who want good things in lives and make healthy choices for themselves. We all learn from each other. I have friends and the people that are in my life, who are not negative people, they will only drag you down, and I sure found out, life is short, and can be taken from any of us at any moment.

And I want to hold onto are the good things in my life today, we cannot get yesterday back, nor our old life's before SJS. However we can learn from our new destiny, you can choose to happiness, or misery.

In spite of my many doctor's visits, and days of pain, I would not trade life for death, I worked very hard and was very not going to allow myself to endure any more emotional pain. I had enough to last me a lifetime.

That is a gift in itself, being left with ones toughest challenge and still feeling this way. I am no longer angry, and I no longer hate doctors After all, how are they truly going to know, that we are going to ignite from medicine. Their training was just not perfect, and neither is life.

I know that many people may disagree with my thoughts, and that is ok and just fine with me. Today I can honestly say, that we can all agree as adults to disagree and still be friends and civil to one another. Anger does not hurt them, but will sure kill us. I truly have accepted my life, just a different road that there is no college course that teaches us, how to endure this one. It is hands on.

I will close with this. I met this man once, and I will never forget what he told me when we were speaking of life's hardships. He said to me, life is a mystery to be lived not solved. Is that not the truth or what! I will never forget his words, and he was so right.

None of us know what tomorrow may bring, and why miss the good things in life that we have today. And I am forever grateful for my life today, in spite of pain, loss's and challenges, that I truly can say, I hold my head up with the grace of a woman, and not the grief of a child. That is what TEN gave me!

Wishing everyone a happy holiday season!
Marlene